So, I *was* exceedingly depressed these last few days. Possessing of a great difficulty in approaching even the most basic tasks; the microwave and heating up water for tea both seemed horrifically and unnecessarily complicated to me.

I was very tired and very sick; essentially because I was sick. And as a mom and a Queen; this would not do.

So Fus shows me this *awesome* website; he tells me that it will cheer me up. Mostly, we discuss, because the conversations contained there-on are very similar to what one might overhear if one were to hang out in the empty storage room above the barracks; just... listening to the conversations between Elites when no one is around.

The website documents *actual* conversations taken from IRC chat logs. As in- all of this is real. People really said these things. AND-- a lot of the memes and the like found on the internet got their basis on this site.

These are the ones that I considered funniest.

( Some Are...Mature )

I would post this on fb, but there are people there that I try to avoid in WoW...

I just made 300g on a PvE server by selling eggs.

I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow morning & check my PvP AH mule's mailbox.

Egg money, egg money, I love me some egg money :D

Conflicts in my life:

The ceremonialist: rigid, disciplined, ascetic, controlling

The shamanistic: flexible, wild, indulgent, going with the flow

The spiritualist: somehow in between ceremonialist and shamanistic.

How do I tie these desperate impressions together and bring it to the outside world?

Once upon a time, many years ago, towards the end of my career as a ceremonial magic(k)ian, I summoned a spirit into the triangle outside my protective little circle. I had all the timing right, all the correspondences correct, the directions, the words; I had fasted, I was purified. In other words, I did what a ceremonialist does best and the ritual worked according to plan.

I had the most interesting conversation with this spirit.

We played a game of riddles and truth or dare. I asked the spirit at one point if the ritual truly compelled it to appear before me, or if it chose to come. It declined to answer, which made me believe at the time the spell truly compelled it, but it didn't want to tell me that because spirits are often embarrassed when summoned by teen-aged girls instead of powerful older magic(k)ians. I also asked the spirit, "If two people summoned you at the same time, do you appear to both?" It gave me a pat answer of "I am Legion". I tried to push it a little more, with questions about the nature of the universe, and I found myself at the short end of the intelligence stick. It's kind of strange to watch something like What the Bleep Do We Know and have a physics lesson taught by a minor spirit come back to haunt you.

How to do this meme: Using only EPISODE names from ONE TV SHOW, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat an episode title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My life according to (show)".

Describe yourself: Mental as Anything

How do you feel: Losing Time

Describe where you currently live: Home on the Remains

If you could go anywhere where would you go: Back and Back and Back to the Future

Your favorite form of transportation: Wait for the Wheel

Your best friend is: A Clockwork Nebari

What's the weather like: Lava's a Many Splendored Thing

Favorite time of day: Bad Timing

If your life was a TV show, it would be called: That Ol' Black Magic

What is life to you: The Ugly Truth

Your fear: Fetal Attraction

What is the best advice you have to give: Beware of Dog

Thought for the Day: Thank God It's Friday... Again

How I would like to die: Eat Me

My soul's present condition: Meltdown

My motto: We're So Screwed

I'm whipped today. Just whipped. I waited around most of the morning to find out if I was being laid off or not. To my utter dismay, I found out not only am I not being laid off, but I am expected to justify every single minute of my day. I just don't think I want my job enough to do that. I mean, I need my job, and it would be nice to keep it long enough to get my hysterectomy... but this is going to get ridiculous.

I used to be a gore-whore. If it was sick, twisted, depraved and monstrous, chances are I've seen it. Suicides? No problem. Flaming martyrs? No problem. Obscure, graphic crime scene photos from the 20s? Torture? Animal experimentation? Zippocat? No problem.

One would think, with our department being the IT Help Desk, that we would not have much to do with the criminal cases that flow through the office at the rate of about 1600 per week. However, we have a great deal of exposure to the media behind the cases - surveillance videos, stupid people filming their own shenanigans, autopsy photos & video, crime scene photos and video, the criminal documents themselves. I watched a man with a gun hunt another man down in a grocery store. I've seen the autopsy of a small child that wasn't even recognizable as a human anymore, it was that badly beaten. The left overs of a home-made car bomb, or the occasional case of - well, suffice it to say, bad things happening to small people. Brutality inflicted on humans by humans is at my daily disposal, and at first I was titillated when I found the folders full of images of dead bodies, because I am somewhat of a necrophiliac. It just doesn't turn me on anymore. I thought all the years of gore sites like rotten.com, bangedup, ogrish & Stiles had hardened me to things like this. I thought I was immune.

I think it was seeing the crime scene photos of a lonely grave out in the middle of the desert. A woman's body, badly burnt, turned into a mummy, shrunken and unidentifiable, that did it to me. Someone had a CD full of crime scene photos & they couldn't get the CD-Rom to read it. I opened the disk, changed the view to thumbnails & the person I was assisting enlarged one of the photos in the top row, which just happened to be a close up of this woman. It was startling and unexpected, and every time I closed my eyes for the rest of the day, there she was in photo negative. She didn't continue to haunt me, but the setting did. There are a million places out here that look just like that grave site did - abandoned lots, construction sites, quarries, the vast empty wasteland of Nevada is full of sagebrush and windblown trash. There are so many places outside Nevada just like that, too, even in the most crowded cities are places where bodies can lay undisturbed and unnoticed. Within my beliefs, the shell we leave behind is just like that windblown trash - it's really of no use to anyone anymore. We slough it off like a cicada's husk when we die. To the living, though, that husk is the last vestige anyone will ever see of a loved one. The funerary rites are necessary to put ghosts to rest, necessary for the survivors to heal and move on. Every body forgotten and discarded in abandoned lots, quarries, dumpsters, the Great Big Empty, is a door that will never close.

I feel bruised and battered inside - every day I am exposed to more murders or assaults or kidnappings, and so much more... mankind's imagination when it comes to causing grief and harm seems infinite. I try to fill my off-time with playful things, captioned cats, comics, artwork, news articles that highlight the weirdly funny instead of the weirdly malicious. It's the things that creep out on the sidebars that nail me - like the pit bull yesterday or Monday, or the man who injected his wife with his own HIV-infected blood so she'd fuck him again - and someone trying to defend him because apparently enforced celibacy makes men do things like this & they should be excused for their actions. I think about some of the work I've been doing on myself regarding becoming more compassionate, meditations, protective and healing mantras I'm learning, and then another day at work makes me wonder why I'm trying to be more sympathetic to the human plight. We, as a species, are not all that worthy of compassion and sympathy - but I suppose, simply because of that, I should be all that more determined to open myself to those feelings. When I pray for one, I pray for all, and when I pray for all, I pray for myself.

So.. I'm doing the Honesty Time!! Meme...

I WILL BE COMPLETELY HONEST FOR 24 HOURS... You can ask one question; any question, no matter how crazy, sinister, lewd or wrong it is. I will answer no matter what and you will have my FULL honesty; so don't ask if you don't want to know the answer.

Most people today know and understand how to avoid becoming victims of fraud when it comes to obtaining goods or services. For example, if a plumbing problem occurs in a home, and it is above and beyond the skills or know-how of the homeowner, they begin to shop for a plumber. They may contact friends and or family who live in the area. Maybe a friend or family-member might even know how to repair the problem. If friends and family do not know of a good plumber, the homeowner may then turn to the internet. There are numerous websites that offer reviews and ratings for service people and businesses. The homeowner jots down a few phone numbers, gets a few quotes, compares rates and things like hours of operation, free consultations and the cost of parts. In the end, they have a plumber who can fix the problem during hours that are convenient to the homeowner and at a reasonable price. Not too many people would pick up their local phone book, flip through the pages, pick the first plumber they see and hire him or her. However, when it comes to obtaining more intangible services, this is exactly what people seem to do.


If a person finds him or her self in a position where they would like to gain some spiritual advice or have a psychic consultation, all too often a lack of knowledge or a sense of embarrassment cause him or her to throw caution to the wind. Unless they belong to an open-minded family or circle of friends or acquaintances, the person who desires these types of services often finds him or her self in a position of taking risks with their money, time and well-being.


There are many testimonials on the internet regarding these types of circumstances. One of the most common scams involves a psychic or spiritual consultant who initiates contact with a customer by offering a free service – maybe a general horoscope interpretation or a sample psychic reading (such as Tarot, tea-leaf or aura reading); once the customer has had this tease, the ‘full’ service is then offered for a price. This in and of itself is not necessarily fraudulent. Many places offer free samples of their goods and services, and want the customer to pay for something afterwards. However, with the psychic scam, the buck does not stop at the full horoscope interpretation or the one-hour psychic reading. The psychic may find something troubling in the reading. Bad news is surely on its way. Maybe, horror of all horrors, the customer has been hexed or cursed. Fortunately, for the customer, their psychic has experience with these things and can allay the bad news or better yet, break the hex or remove the curse – for a fee, of course. The customer is frightened by the negative reading and the implications of a curse or hex being on him or her self, so they hand over more money. This can keep up for some time, because not only is the customer relieved at having the hex broken; now they are curious as to who is the hex-caster. Suddenly he or she has a host of unseen enemies, and the only thing standing between them and that unseen host is their friendly, helpful, costly psychic advisor.


If this customer had gone to see a medical doctor, and was given bad news, his or her first instinct would probably be to panic, but once they calmed down they would usually seek a second opinion. When it comes to psychic services, few people think to do this and instead invest all their trust in their new psychic advisor. It is the nature of a con artist to be able to gain the trust of their customers quickly and easily. The con artist knows how much concern to show, the right words to use to plant seeds of doubt and fear, and how to lure their clients into pouring more and more money onto non-existent problems. Advertisements for spiritual services often have large headlines stating claims such as “Find your lost love today!”, “Get all the answers – health, money, love and more!”, “Why isn’t your business a success?”, “Is he or she cheating on you? Find out now!” These words are geared towards anyone who feels insecure, unsuccessful, and lonely or as though bad luck follows him or her around constantly.


Not all psychic practitioners out there are frauds or con artists. There are genuine psychic readers, spiritual advisors and even professional spell crafters that make their services available to the public for a price. Finding a good psychic practitioner is just like finding any other professional service person, but the search does have some added difficulties because of the sheer number of potential con artists that have set up shop as spiritual advisors.

Word-of-mouth is usually the best way to get referred to any service-oriented business, and spiritual businesses are no different. Casually mentioning something like, “Have you ever gotten a Tarot reading?” to a friend or acquaintance may open a few doors without causing undue stress. Just as there are review and rating sites for more traditional professions, these same ratings can be found for psychic services as well. It is always best to seek independent business rating sites than to trust the testimonials on a business’s self-operated website – these testimonials could be loaded (or even be paid testimonials) by the business itself. A good resource is the Better Business Bureau’s list of accredited businesses. Checking with the local business licensing agency can help a consumer determine if a business is at least licensed, and some licensing agencies may even have a public complaint record available. If the psychic’s business is a brick-and-mortar storefront, asking nearby businesses if they’ve received any complaints about the psychic’s business practices might yield some results as well.


Many psychic practitioners bill themselves with titles like ‘Lord’ or ‘Lady’, ‘Fifth-Generation Priestess’, ‘Ascended’, ‘Enlightened’, etc. These titles are essentially meaningless unless the practitioner is an initiated member of a hierarchical religion such as Wicca, Vodou or Santeria or are ordained within a church. The average person shopping for a psychic service is not going to know that, so having a fancy title or an exotic name lends an air of authority to the psychic. For some it serves as a stage name, and they may even have different names or titles depending on what type of service they are offering. If the practitioner does claim to be a member of a hierarchical religion or official church, checking the validity of their titles is nearly impossible. If the person is saying they are a doctor or holder of degrees, they may be listed in the alumni of a college or university, or be a member of a professional organization.


A concern of anyone seeking psychic or spiritual advice is the information being relayed. One thing to be wary of is if a psychic practitioner asks for personal information before the first appointment. All they really need is a customer’s name and possibly a phone number or e-mail address to confirm an appointment. Casually asking for other details, such as where the customer is from, how old they are, what their family is like, or if they have children or pets, can give a con artist all they really need to convince a person that they are an above-average psychic. Many psychic scams involve leading questions. A leading question is a question that suggests an answer or contains the information the asker is seeking. It is usually not allowed in legal settings, and is highly suspect in psychic readings. In the same vein as a psychic asking for personal information when setting an appointment is one that is willing to come to the customer’s home for the initial reading. By inviting a stranger into one’s home, not only is there the potential for personal harm to occur, but a great deal of personal information can be gleaned from the home environment, even on someone’s first visit.


Most spiritual practitioners would be less-than-welcoming of having a second party along for the reading (unless the customer was willing to pay for two people), but when shopping for a psychic consultant, the customer should always ask if the psychic would mind having the reading recorded, possibly by a tape recorder or digital audio recorder, especially for the first reading. If the psychic is hesitant, the customer should have the psychic clarify why a recording device would not be allowable, and if it would still be okay to take notes. If the psychic reveals something potentially troublesome, the customer then has information they could take to a different practitioner and get a second opinion – just like visiting a doctor. It also gives the customer something to go by to see how accurate any of the psychic’s advice or information turns out to be. An honest psychic or spiritual practitioner should not be too reluctant to answer questions about their knowledge, experience and gifts. They should also not mind being tactfully tested in their area of expertise. For a psychic this might mean the customer would ask questions about their own past, something the psychic could not easily guess. For other services, the customer might have to do some research into their chosen professional’s field of expertise.


When faced with a situation beyond the mundane, anything from wanting to know what the future holds, to blessing a new home or business, to wanting to know about a past life, it is usually preferable to learn how to do it for oneself than it is to seek an outside agent. Sometimes, though, time and circumstances do not allow the average person to embark on a course of Occult Sciences 101. Even when working under the premise that all people have the potential to become psychic or spiritual practitioners, maybe someone’s chose religion forbids him or her from performing this type of activity, or maybe a person does not feel capable and talented enough to take care of a spiritual problem him or her self. In these cases, there is nothing wrong with wanting to hire someone who is experienced as a psychic or spell crafter. The customer should always go about carefully and thoroughly researching the person to whom he or she is about to hand money. Unlike other professions, the psychic and spiritual arts are not ones that have self-governing bodies or peer review boards – the only thing most customers have to go by is their own business savvy and common sense.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
© 2009 Janelle Feldes

I don't like this new pill. Ugh. Hate. Emotions. Hate that achey feeling in my chest. Hate them & want them to die, stabby stabby stabby.

Somewhere on the 'net, while shopping for a digital signature collection device (also know as those backlit electronic pads you sign on for your credit card purchases at fine retail establishments everywhere), in one of the site sidebars was a picture of a pit bull whose teeth were all exposed because its lips had been chewed off by other dogs, and whose nose was also missing. There I was in my little grey-walled cubicle of solitude and I started weeping. The other day we were in Best Buy, getting Rob's new computer & we were standing in the home theater room, and some incredibly intense and graphic movie about some older war or battle was on one of the tvs. There were guys coming into an infirmary, covered in burns from oil fires, covered in oil, bleeding, crying, dying, the infirmary was running out of morphine and supplies, so one of the nurses was going around marking the guys coming in as to who they could save, and who they would just give morphine to until they bled out. I had to get the Hel out of there because the waterworks started, and I started getting something akin to an anxiety attack.

Yes, it stopped the bleeding (fucking finally), I've already lost weight, my face is getting a little less masculine around the edges... but at the cost of my demeanor and grace under fire. These new pills also give me ferocious heartburn. That, and I am fucking freezing my ass off.

Thank you, Great Mystery, for the rain you have sent to us.

Sometimes I just do not give a flying fuck about any of you.

I suppose it's okay, though, because I know none of you give a fuck about me.

Last night, I dreamed

I was laying on something
Cold, smooth, hard
Under my shoulders
Under my hips
Under my heels

Someone was reaching inside me
“Hey! What are you doing in there?!”
Hands, pulling out my bones
Laying them on a shelf
“Give those back! Those are mine!”

I could not speak
Then I saw, on the shelf
Among the bones,
My lower jaw
And I understood

The hands took my pelvis, my spine
Grabbed a rib, and another
There were not enough ribs
But then the axe head
And I understood

The lack of words
Did not quench my disquiet
The hands would not stop
Until all of my bones
Rested on that shelf
Another voice, “Quiet there!

Can’t you see, we’re all
In this together? Might as well
Let us sleep in peace!”
I heard, the other voices,
Angry murmurs, and saw
All the bones, all the shelves
And I understood

It's been two weeks since I dedicated myself to Selene, from new to a night past full.

I asked Her how I could better serve Her as priestess, and I did receive an answer: flow with it. I'm getting the idea that I am just supposed to watch Her for awhile, not do anything except pay attention. I am waxing poetic when I greet Her. Every night, (until the past couple of nights) when I leave the building from work, She rises over the parking garage across the street and stays on my side of the car almost the whole ride home. Then, as I'm going to bed, She's outside the Amityville window, which has been rechristened the 'half-moon window'.

I get a sense of patience and abidement from Her. As I mentioned to someone on the pagan forum, with the understanding that Selene is not a Goddess, but is instead one of the older Titans: I am finding out, just over the past week or so since I dedicated myself to Selene/Luna, that She is definitely not Artemis or Diana. For Her, the crescent of the Moon is the sweeping horns of milk-white water buffalo, not the bow. She has dogs, but they are more protective and less called to the hunt than Artemis' pack. Like a Goddess, She is at once ancient and timeless, but She has a longer memory. And somehow, Her love is kinder and gentler and not edged by quite the same disdainful cruelty that many of the younger Goddesses display.

I used to get a wild, energetic yearning with the full moon. Now it's a little different - but it could be the new hormone pills talking, too. I feel somehow softer, more open, more sensitive - which is not always a good thing, especially where I work. But the moon is also calming, centering and soothing.

So, as She abides, so will I. I know in time She'll have things for me to do, things for me to learn - and to remember. But for now, I'm just going to watch Her chariot leave its wake of stars every night.

http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/videos?bcpid=51434042001&bclid=41247345001&bctid=51411100001

Ok I was going to write an update. I don't remember so much what. I was also going to link the above and it was so funny...but I does not work now. It was how Twilight should have ended. When Edward did save Bella this has he thought to long and she became a vampire. Oh and before while taking say how not meet Jacob and miss out on that if becomes a vampire now. Yah ok...ops?

Lucivar

Who sleeps in bed next to you? Two stuffed animals
What's one of the strangest things that has ever happened to you? Strangest? Hum long story.
What kind of magazines do you read? I don’t. When I do they are games or anime. XD
If you could see one band in concert right now, any band, dead or alive, which would it be? I don’t really care about any band.
What's really creepy? Liars?
Name one odd item within five feet of you. Stuff animals or old Slim-Rite cans.
What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Always Black Jewels and right now also Kushiel's Trilogy. :D
Where would you like to go right now if you had enough money? Lol too many to name!
What are you most excited for? The holidays coming up!
What websites do you always visit when you go online? Livejournal and now also http://darkweb.hostingdelivered.com/index and http://terredange.net/forums/
What was the last thing you bought? Dog treats from Just for Dogs
What's you favorite season? Fall! Which there is like two days of in Arkansas.
Does the weather affect your mood? To a small part. If it rains I am happy as I love rain.
What is your zodiac sign? Aries ♈
Do you want to learn another language? Chinese, Spanish, Japanese, etc. XD
5 things (not people) you can't live without? Internet/laptop, Black Jewels books, my stuffed animals, umm…iphone, freedom
Do you have any siblings? Younger brother, and 3 younger brothers (two birds and dog), older sister (cat) XD
What's something you'd like to say to someone right now? Lol lot :P
What's your earliest memory? Before 3rd birthday at my grandmother’s
What's one food you could eat for the rest of your life? Oreos? XD
From unbreakabledawn